A new member of my FB Group raised an issue that reminded me of my first patient / client who introduced me to the theme of this website. The ideal scenario for bringing a new life into this world is within the loving relationship of a married couple, a husband and wife. In this situation, the baby grows up as a part of a healthy, loving family unit with mother and father to guide him / her through the various stages of life. Hopefully this support and guidance will continue until the baby grows to be a child, then a teen, a young adult. As a young adult, we hope that the child will now build their own home and family and so the cycle of life continues.
What happens with those situations where the woman finds herself expecting a child outside of wedlock. Or the woman finds herself expecting but the husband who was once there, suddenly is not for a whole host of possible reasons. Whatever the circumstance that lead to this situation, the question arises of how to plan, prepare and cope with the phases of pregnancy, the changes in the body of the expectant woman and that of her growing child. How to cope with the changes that occur as labour comes closer, delivery of the baby and then caring for and raising this new baby.
There are a number of tips and steps to follow. Obviously, the details will differ depending on the health of the woman, the health of her developing baby (foetus), the geographic location, what kind of support she has and certain other factors. Let’s take a look at where to begin to find and develop the help and support that all expectant moms need and deserve. What can she does to plan for the new life role that is approaching whether she likes it or not.
Do a Stock Take
The first step is to do a stock take of your situation. Just as one needs to take an inventory of one’s store at regular intervals, so too we need to take stock of where we are in life. So let us begin to identify what your situation is really like. The best way to do so is to write down all the details. Once you have your list you will have something to begin to work with. Let’s get started in formulating your list.
Actually, before you begin, there are a few things that you will need.
Preparation before you begin
- Set aside at least half an hour but be prepared to spend longer if necessary
- Make sure you have a pen and paper or a document to type on e.g. word
- Get yourself something to drink so that you can focus
- Spend the first at least 5 minutes (more if you have time) praying for guidance as your prepare your list and every step of the way. While you are praying, remember to thank the Master of the Universe for entrusting you with the honour of bringing new life into this world
Now that you are ready, let’s get started.
Questions to answer in forming your list
- What is your health like? Be specific as you write your answer
- What are your skills
- What are your weaknesses
- What is your family structure like? Do you have any support, if so, which relatives are supportive and in what ways?
- Do you have any friends, neighbours, mentors, role models? Who do you have to talk to?
- Where do you live? Do you live alone? If not, who is in the household and will they be supportive? If you live alone, do you have any relationship with your neighbours or have anyone else that is a good support.
- What is your lifestyle like? Do you eat a healthy balanced diet that will support a healthy, viable pregnancy? Do you do regular exercise?
- What are your interests? Which of your interests can help you both to take care of your health (e.g. going for walks), to relax (e.g. drawing or listening to soothing music) and to earn effectively?
- Do you work? If so, what kind of work do you do? Is your work suitable for you as your pregnancy advances? Some jobs entail a lot of lifting and physical labour which is a problem for someone who is pregnant.
- What options do you have for maternity leave and receiving income during your maternity leave.
- Can you purchase maternity clothing? If not, what options do you have to borrow or to purchase at low cost. Are there any second hand store, thrift store or similar in your area?
- What is your ability to obtain the items that all babies need such as baby furniture (cot, push chair, baby bath), baby clothing, baby bottles, toys etc.
- What do you know about health and wellness, maternal health, pregnancy, labour, delivery, baby development?
- What do you need to learn in order to prepare you for your new life role?
- What format will you learn in? Is there a library nearby that you can go to? Do you listen to podcasts, watch YouTube videos, read blogs?
- Is there anything else of significance that you need to add to your list?
- On an emotional side, what are your feelings for the father of your child? Do you need to work through these feelings or do you have positive feelings for your baby’s dad? Do you have contact with the father of your baby? If so, what role does he and will he have as your pregnancy advances and baby comes into the world?
You should have quite a detailed list that has developed. Give yourself a break. Go for a walk, take a warm, soothing bath, listen to some relaxing music. We have more tips for you in the next post.
As you prepare your stock take of your situation, if you find that you need assistance along the way, you are welcome to book a session. Note that the service offered through Be A Happy Mom are private at private rates. For those who can not afford private sessions, the next post will cover tips for finding and developing your support system. For those who can afford private sessions, my services include occupational therapy and energy work (for those living in Israel) and coaching, mentoring (for those either in Israel or overseas).